How to rekindle intimacy: restart the romantic spark in your relationship

As couples age, the challenges to maintaining a fulfilling sex life can shift. While erectile dysfunction medications and lubricants may address physical barriers, emotional and relational disconnects often go unresolved. For many older adults, the issue isn’t just about performance—it’s about reconnection.

“There are many strategies that can help get intimacy back in rhythm,” says Dr. Sharon Bober, a Harvard-affiliated psychologist specializing in sexual health. “But it’s like a recipe with multiple ingredients. They work best together.”

If your love life feels offbeat, here are expert-backed strategies to reignite connection and enhance mutual pleasure.

1. Rekindle Emotional Intimacy Outside the Bedroom

“A satisfying sex life begins outside the bedroom,” says Dr. Bober. Shift your perspective: don’t think of your partner as a roommate, but as someone you’re still excited to bond with.

Try something new together—a shared hobby, a weekend trip, or a cooking class. “Think about how you would woo your partner if you were dating for the first time,” she suggests. Building emotional closeness can reignite attraction and anticipation.

2. Plan for Intimacy Together

If low motivation or mismatched desire is getting in the way, consider scheduling intimacy the way you would a workout or dinner reservation.

“Setting up a sex date removes pressure from either partner to always initiate,” Dr. Bober says. “Instead, you can plan for and look forward to a romantic experience together.” Anticipation can be a powerful aphrodisiac.

3. Find the Right Time for Both of You

Energy levels can vary greatly depending on the time of day. Some people may feel more relaxed and in the mood in the morning, while others prefer the evening.

“Couples need to communicate openly about when they feel most engaged and energized, then try to find a compromise,” advises Dr. Bober. Identifying the right time can help intimacy feel less forced and more fulfilling.

4. Don’t Rush the Moment—Prioritize Arousal

With age, arousal often becomes less spontaneous and requires more time. “Put more effort into the full experience of giving and receiving pleasure,” says Dr. Bober. This means slowing down, creating space for sensual connection, and relieving the pressure to "get in the mood" quickly.

Make foreplay central—hug, kiss, touch, and explore each other’s bodies like you did early in the relationship. Reintroduce what once felt exciting and familiar.

5. Explore and Communicate Desires

Ask your partner what feels good—before and during intimacy—and share your own preferences too. These conversations build trust and deepen connection.

Desires don’t always have to be physical. “Try reading something erotic together, or watch a romantic or sensual film,” says Dr. Bober. “This can help create a shared experience that stirs desire.”

Takeaway: Communication Fuels Connection

Whether you're facing physical changes or emotional distance, reigniting intimacy begins with openness, creativity, and mutual care.

“For any couple, the key to enhancing desire is communication and connection,” says Dr. Bober. “A little more of both is often great for boosting your sex life.”

At Bastion Health, we support men and couples in navigating intimacy challenges with expert guidance and care—so you can reconnect, rebuild, and rediscover closeness on your terms.